Really, really cool day!!!

Hi there faithful blog followers!
I had a very exciting and full day today!!! Though when I woke up this morning I thought is was going to be boring.
I woke up at 6:00 and watched some TV and ate some food. Then at about 8:00 Mum came downstairs and said that she had to take Grandma to Church and did I want to go to my cousin Danielle's house for a few hours because she had to pass their house.
Of course I said yes!!!! I love my cousin Danielle and her sisters, Julia and Rachel. They are all really nice!!! Mum called and arranged it and I went to their house!!
It was the best fun ever!!!!!!!! We went swimming and that was heaps of fun (more fun when you are swimming with fun people!) and then about an hour later we went inside and played board games on the deck, Rachel watched and listened to music on Danielle's Ipod. I was offically the Connect Four Champion!!!!!!!! W00th!! Go me!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mum was due to pick me up soon after that so Dani decided to just show me this video called "How To Be Gangster" I had already seen "How To Be Emo" but then Mum arrived just as it was starting so I didn't get to watch it!!!
Though the "How To Be Emo" video is pretty cool, look it up on youtube!
When we got in the car, Grandma was there (Mum had just picked her up from church) and Nick was driving (trying to get his hours up! He's on his learner's)
Anyway so we drove to Grandma's house and we went up to her apartment while she got changed for the picnic Mum and I were taking her on. Nick and I mucked around on Mum's mobile while we were waiting.
Then we dropped Nick home and Mum picked up the picnic basket.
So finally we got to Daisy Hill Forest where Mum, Grandma and I had a really great time eating lunch and watching the dogs, birds and kids. I probably sound really nerdy talking about having a picnic with my Grandma but it was actually quite fun. Plus I love spending time with my Mum so all of you should get to know your Mums better (or Dads if you are a guy). They know everything you're going through at the moment.
Anyway, I found out an interesting fact, Grandma had to leave school in grade 6 because of the war. Then when Mum was in high school and Grandma was like 55, she went and did evening classes so she got a high school degree! Then she went on to become a nurse!!! How inspriational is that!!! Seriously, that's awesome!!!
Anyway, then Mum and I dropped her home and went fruit & vege shopping. We talked heaps, it was really fun. I love spending time with Mum, it's the best fun!! And no I'm not a loner, I do have friends, but I just love my Mum.
But when I got home it turns out that all my other files are fine but my story (a whole 15 pages and not finished, plus 4 weeks work!) has been corrupted and now it is offically gone!!!!! I was furious, none of it is left, not even a sentence!!! But I didn't mope for lone. I got started on a new story. This one is about a Hermaphrodite whose parents died and now she is starting High School with only her unsupportive aunt to help her along the way.
I have only written 3 pages so far but please read it:

From the moment I was born everyone knew I was different. I don't remember being born but my parents do, or did as the case may be. I remember them telling me the story, I was six when I first heard it.
“When you were born we were both so relieved,” Dad used to begin, “Your mother had been in labour for two days.”
“But, when you were born, there was a problem,” Mum would always bite her lip when she said this.
“A minor problem,” Dad would interrupt, “Nothing too serious.”
“You see, when you were born, we...umm...we couldn't tell if you were a boy or a girl. The midwife couldn't either.” Mum always paused here and rested her hand on Dad's knee or my shoulder.
“It was unusual and of course the doctor did all the usual tests to try and determine the overriding gender but.....he couldn't determine it.” Dad would always then smile shyly at Mum, telling her subtly to tell the last bit of the story.
“So he asked us to decide whether you were to be a girl or a boy and then he would carry out the approriate...urr...treatment to...umm....ensure that you would be solely that gender,” Mum always wrung her hands when she spoke that part. That was how I knew that the most important section was coming up.
“But you see,” Dad would take over here, “We just couldn't decide, we didn't want you to be changed into something that you weren't. We didn't want you to spend the rest of your life feeling as though you were in the wrong body.”
“So we told the doctor we were happy the way you were,” Mum would frown here, as if she honestly didn't know why they did it. “He looked at us like we were....I don't know....madmen.”
“But he let us go, he let you go home as you were. Though he strongly advised us to make a decision soon to prevent you mental anguish. He wanted us to make the decision early so you would never remember being a....ummm....being what you were. He wanted you to only remember being a girl or a boy.” Dad would rub his nose self consciously when he said this.
“But we couldn't make a decision,” Mum would interrupt, looking at me lovingly. “We just wanted you to be....well....you.”
They told it the same way, every time, every single time. The same movements, the same self conscious shuffling. They were afraid that I would reject them, for what they had done. I could tell they were afraid but, at least when I first heard it, I wasn't mad, I didn't feel anything. I guess it was because, well, I didn't understand then, I was too young, they used big words, words I didn't understand.
For weeks afterwards I didn't understand why they told me what they told me. I was clearly just...well...me, normal. I wore jeans, I wore skirts, I wore my hair however I wanted it. But when I started primary school I realised why they told me.
They were the best parents ever, they told my teacher that I was different. I don't know what they said but she was so nice, she never referred to me as a she or a he.
But the kids, they were different, I remember the first day. I was so excited, just like any other kid. I begged my mother to let pick out my clothes. She reluctantly agreed and I came running downstairs in the most hideous outfit I could have put together. I was wearing a garish green t-shirt with flowers around the sleeves. The shirt was a polo shirt though, Grandma had made it for me, she knew that I was...different. So she didn't know what to make, so she made a bit of a girl shirt and a bit of a boy shirt. I was also wearing something handmade on my bottoms. It was again made by a relative who really didn't know any better. It was a skirt on one side and shorts on the other. The skirt was navy blue and covered in tiny little roses while the shorts were...well....ok, they were bright orange, with little trunks on them.
When Mum saw me she absolutely cracked it, she wanted to take me back upstairs and redress me properly. But I refused to go, I screamed and I shouted and I cried my heart out. So Mum just shoved me into a pair of sandels and plonked a straw hat on my head.
And then I went to school for the very first time.

The kids laughed when they first saw me. Not because they knew that I was different but because I just looked really strange. Also I was crying and clinging to Mum's legs, that can't have helped.
But, as is the way of little kids, by lunch, they loved me. I made heaps of friends and we played and we laughed and everything. It was the best thing ever. Mum and Dad had kept me away from kids for a while, they were afraid that the kids would reject me.
But the kids didn't know, they didn't know, how could they know? They were six, just like me, they wouldn't have understood, just like I didn't understand.

But as I grew up, things started to change. I started to, well, wonder what was wrong with me. When we were planning our grade six camp none of the teachers knew what cabin to put me in. Should they put with the boys? Or the girls? I didn't know what I wanted either, did I belong to either group? Should I have a cabin with the teachers? The kids didn't know that I was different, they didn't know anything. But the teachers did, they might blurt something out if I decided to share a cabin with them.
Finally, after a fustrating day at school, and numerous teacher questions about whether I 'felt' like a boy or a girl I came home and threw myself on my bed. When Mum came to see if I was ok I told her I didn't want to go on camp. She put it down to not wanting to be away from home. I couldn't tell her the real reason, it would hurt her. She regretted her and Dad's decision enough already. I couldn't do that to her. So I let her think that and I let her call the school and tell them that I was staying home instead of going to camp. The teachers were relieved, none were as sympathetic as my grade one teacher.
I cried so much that night, I wanted to go with my friends. But I couldn't stand it. I just couldn't stand it. It was too terrible. Far too terrible.
I began to think of myself as a monster, as a horrific monster. Finally one day at breakfast when I was in grade seven Mum told me that I had to make a decision. I had to decide whether I wanted to live as a girl or a boy.
I deliberated for months over the decision and asked Mum and Dad so many times why I had to make the decision. They told me that it was because I couldn't go on living the way I was living.
I never thought that was the truth, now I know that it was because I was going to start High School. They knew how difficult High School was and they didn't want me to have an extra hard time just because of something that could be changed.
I deliberated and deliberated over it. And to tell you the truth, I didn't feel like either. I didn't feel like a boy and I didn't feel like a girl. I felt comfortable in pants and skirts and dresses and boy shirts and girl shirts and boxers and everything. I didn't know what to do, I didn't know what to tell Mum, I didn't know what to say. Dad was more gentle, he said that if I wanted to stay the way I was that was fine with him and he would support me all the way.
But Mum was anxious, I could see she was worried. I knew she was just concerned for me. So I did the age old trick, I....I did eeny meeny mo. I used a picture of a girl from a magazine and a picture of a boy and...the girl won.
I told Mum, she was happy that I had made a decision and made me an appointment for a few days later. Dad was silent, I think he was disappointed in me for...well...for not having the guts to stay as I was. I think he thought I was a failure, someone who just wanted to follow the crowd.

A few days later we went to the hospital, Dad was silent as he had been for the last few days. Mum was ecstatic she was glad that she didn't have to explain things anymore. She was just glad for me too, that I wouldn't have any more problems.
When we were leaving home, I stopped Dad before he could get in the car.
“Dad,” I whispered and he turned around. “I....I just want you to know, that I'm only doing this to please Mum. I don't....I don't really feel like a girl, but I don't feel like a boy either. Just, be happy, I love you,” I gave Dad a kiss and he hugged me back. He didn't let go for a long time. He kissed my forehead.
“I love you too,” he whispered. Then Mum ran over, she wrapped her arms around the two of us.
“I love you both,” she whispered, “Especially you,” she kissed my forehead and I kissed her back.
I'll always remember that moment, it was the moment when the three of us were happy. Despite everything, despite my....differences. We were just like a normal family. For once.

But something happened that day. Something terrible happened. On the way to the hospital, there was a terrible accident. It hurts me to write about it, even now. It kills me.
We were driving down the highway, Mum was in the front passenger seat, Dad was driving. I was seated in the back, chattering away, telling them about what things to expect in the next year. When I was fourteen. I was telling them to expect mood swings, and demands for everything. More food, a mobile phone. It kills me to think how trivial my conversation was, it was the last thing they heard. My incessant chatter, I could just kill myself, they probably wanted to hear how much I loved them. They probably wanted to talk to each other, but I didn't pay any attention. I just thought about myself. I was stupid.
Because, as we driving, a massive truck came and crashed straight into the front of our car. They said the guy was drunk, they said he was nutcase. But nothing made me feel better.
I still remember the impact, I had just been describing the phone I wanted. I remember the trunk coming, Dad trying to swerve out of the way. Mum screaming, me curling up terrified. I remember Mum tearing off her seatbelt, probably something that could have saved her and diving into the backseat. She wretched my door open, and shoved me out onto the road. Mum saved me, she kept me from being crushed. For I would have been crushed, had I stayed in the car with her and Dad. Their seats would have been pushed backwards and our car would have compacted, me inside.
I rolled and rolled and landed on a soft patch of grass, just beside the highway. I can barely believe how lucky I was. All around me cars stopped, I was bruised and a little shaken but I was fine. I ran to our car, blind of all the other people in cars around me. I was lucky not to have been hit. The truck, it had crashed into our car, it had killed my parents. Dad's arms, they were cut off, no one knew where they went. Mum was crushed in the back seat, curled up in a protective position. Her mouth open, as though she had just uttered her last words.
But, they died as heros, not just because they saved me. But because the truck was stopped when it hit them. More people would have died if it had not been for my parents. But I was blind to all this. I ran to the car, though it was a compacted cube now. I tried to find a door. I wanted my parents, I wanted them to hold me and hug me. I wanted them to help me, I didn't want them to go.
I couldn't find a door, so I collapsed onto the road and screamed and cried. I couldn't believe they were gone. I didn't want them to be gone. People all around, stopped their cars and ran towards me. They tried to pull me away, they tried to shield my eyes, to prevent me from seeing the terrible sight that was my parents' death. But I saw it, I saw it all. I screamed more each time someone tried to take me away.
The ambulance arrived and I heard Paramedics shouting.
“Grab that girl!” one shouted, “She's in shock!”
I wasn't in shock, I didn't think I was. I was shaking though, shaking uncontrollably.
“I'm not a girl!” I screamed, standing up, with one hand still on the crushed car.
“Grab that boy!” shouted another Paramedic, I screamed my loudest.
“I'm not a boy!” I shouted, tears streaming down my face. I remembered what we were going to do at the hospital. I remembered the operation, but I didn't want it. I didn't want to change. The way I was, that was the way my parents had known me. My current body was my link to them. It was my link to everything.

Well there you go!! That's the beginning, leave me a comment and tell me what you think!!! There is more to come so stay in touch and keep checking out my blog!!
TTYL,
Jess.